"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even
more temporary than our own,
live within a fragile circle, easily and often
breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other
way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully
understanding the necessary plan."
Irving Townsend
Have you ever lost a beloved pet? The pain can be quite unbearable. Do you know someone that has? Have you been there for them? Many people don't understand and that is part of what makes this horribly painful loss so hard.
If you've lost a pet please know that there are others who DO understand and sympathize with you. I've spoken to so many people in so much pain who have nobody around them who understands. They're asked, "Why don't you go get another one?" Or, "What's wrong? It has been a week already!" With those people you can get angry, but, instead, you should feel pity. They've obviously never had the kind of bond that you had with your pet. They have no idea that they're missing out on one of the most precious, beautiful things that life has to offer! So, instead of being angry, pity them because they are the losers.
If you're trying to help someone through this, here are a couple tips.
Don't suggest they get another one. When someone loses a family member or a best friend that is human nobody suggests getting another one. How can you replace an individual? You can't. And our pets are as individual as any two people are. They have totally different personalities, uniquely their own. And, although they may look alike to someone else, to their owners they look unique also. Just as you may mistake one person for another, this is the same.
Let them talk about their pet if they need to. Often you worry that you'll eventually forget something about your beloved pet and want to keep everything about them in your memory forever. Maybe share with them a favorite memory of yours about their pet if you knew it.
Don't ever tell them it's been X amount of time already. Or ask them if they're still grieving. Of course they are. Have you ever lost a family member? You leave in the morning and turn to tell them goodbye and they're not there. You dread coming home because, no matter how many individuals there are in the home, it still feels empty when you're missing a loved one. No ecstatic welcome, happy to see you always, no matter what. What person is always that happy to see you? Or cares nothing for how you look or how you're dressed or what kind of mood you're in? Who always wants nothing but your happiness? Who tries to cheer you up no matter your mood? Who loves you unconditionally. When someone like that is missing it can make quite a difference. And it's something that is faced every time you come home.
The pain of petloss can be quite devastating. These are our constant companions. To many of us these are our babies. Children grow up and get their own lives, naturally, and eventually leave home. These FurKids don't. They depend on us for their care always. And repay this care with their precious love a million times over. What price can be put on this love? And, when removed from our lives, nothing can take their place. You can get another pet, but can't replace the other.
If you've lost a cherished pet don't ever be ashamed of your grief. You know how strong the bond of love between you and your pet was. Are you ashamed of that? Of course not! So, why would you be ashamed to grieve the loss of that very special bond? And, if you wonder if you've grieved too long and wonder if it's normal, don't worry! You have to look upon that as a tribute to the love you shared. If you didn't love them it wouldn't hurt, would it? It takes a long time to get used to them not being with you physically. Eventually you do get used to it, but the love you shared will always be there. You will think of your precious memories and smile, just remembering special things and times. So just try to go on with your life and eventually you'll do better. Give yourself time to grieve. It doesn't have a set time limit! I've had many, many people tell me it has taken them years to come to terms with it. I just think that's a tribute to the love they and their beloved pet shared.
Take time for yourself. Don't tell yourself you should be doing this or you should be doing that. Grieving a loved one is hard work! It takes a lot out of you. Be easy and gentle with yourself right now. Rest if you're tired. Take time out to be alone if you need to. Don't give up on life and totally withdraw from those who love you, but don't force yourself into doing things you don't really feel up to doing. Emotional pain can be worse than physical pain, which takes so much out of you, although some others understand that more. But it doesn't matter what others understand. You are going through an emotional trauma, losing a beloved family member. Keep it in mind that you do need to take some extra time and care for yourself.
I've heard a lot of people ask if others think pets go to heaven. I think so. Why wouldn't they? They're a million times better inside than most people are. And it says in the Bible that the lion and the lamb will lie down together. Now, if lions and lambs are there, then why wouldn't these beloved companions of our be there? Of course they will be. And if Heaven is happiness then think about how many unhappy people would be there without their FurKids!
Another issue with many people is euthanasia. But you know when it's time and how can you let them down at that time? When you love someone you would rather suffer than let them suffer. Your pets count on you to care for them all their lives. This is the greatest act of caring. If you didn't care you wouldn't do it or you would be selfish and not do it because of the pain it will cause you. But, loving them as we do, we take on this worse than physical pain, to spare these loved ones of ours. Don't feel guilt. Know that you cared for them in every way, no matter at what cost to yourself. Love is selfless, which is what it takes to endure this ultimate test of your love for them. So, passing it, you should never feel guilt! Sadness, loneliness, yes. Guilt, no.
Try to surround yourself with those who care and understand. If you have nobody who does physically around you, there are places you can call or places you can go online where you will find those who do. Or cruise the net and see some of the beautiful memorial sites that people have put up to honor their beloved pets. There are many and some of them are so beautiful. And, again, never be ashamed of the pain this loss creates. Losing a love is never easy, be it human, canine, feline, or whatever. It's normal.
If you ever feel the need to talk with others who have been there and understand, there are petloss chatrooms. Most people who go there are understanding and will try to help ease your pain in any way they can because they understand and have either been or currently are there to. They truly are worth trying, as many have been helped by them.
If you have any worries about the issue of euthanasia, please follow this link and read this poem. Hopefully it will help put things into perspective for you.
Love and hugs to you all!
KellyC
This is a link to a page that I think is absolutely wonderful. It will take you
off of my site though, so if you'd like to return, bookmark us before you leave.
My Favorite Poem on
Petloss Ever
Recommended Reading
This is one of the best books I have ever read about
petloss. I recommend it above all others.
Maya's First Rose : Diary of a Very Special Love (Inspirational)
by Martin Scot Kosins
The Soul of Your Pet: Evidence for the Survival of Animals After Death
by Scott Smith
Angel Pawprints : Reflections on the Loss of a Canine Companion
by Laurel E. Hunt (Introduction), Alice Villalobos
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